May
These are the
happenings of May.
5/19/03
News again huh,
well the band has accomplished nothing this week. Yes, that makes
two weeks in a row. Today Jordan got back his ACT scores. And
as predicted I did better than he did, so take that. I don't know.
That's about all that has happened since the last update. Ya,
we live the relatively uninteresting lives of unsuccessful punkers.
Though we do have one thing to look foreward to. What is this
light that shines through our misfortune you ask? Warped Tour.
That's right Warped Tour. Well, and masterbation. But back to
Warped Tour. All the bands who have reached the level of success
that we strive for. That we will never reach. But we'll do our
damndest trying.
So, I'm not and
never have been a person who was into comic books, but I have
discovered the genius of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. This is
the story of Johnny, NNY for short. He is a very disturbed man
who lives only to kill people. My good friend Carl lent me the
book, Z?:
JTHM: Directors Cut. This book is ingenious and brought to
us uninhibited by the man who brought us Invader Zim. This book
is one of the most morbid things out there, but it is also one
of the greatest. So, go buy it and other JTHM merch at www.slavelabor.com.
Well,
that's all for now. Hopefully some actual band news soon cause
I'm gonna run out of things to ramble about. We are still buying
souls for those interested in selling us yours or someone elses.
All you need to do is sign a little contract or bring us a signed
contract giving you the soul and then sign it over to us. WHAT
AN EASY WAY TO MAKE $.29 PER SOUL. Soon you'll be rackin in the
money. If we start getting a lot of souls we'll be keeping track
so we can turn it into some kind of a contest if we have enough
interest.
CHRIS
5/15/03
Pay Day for Chris thats
all I gotta say. Well we have accomplished pretty much nothing
since the variety show in terms of music but what ya gonna do.
Were gonna get on the practicing thing. I swear we will. Or we'll
atleast think about it. But in terms of the website. We've got
some new stuff goin on. There is a new Luke: As Deep as I Can Get
in the About Us page. We have also added
a Message Board to our arsenal of cool shit. So start signing
that. We have also had a discussion about how to become famous
and get the chicks. Well, we determined that we must get good
and get paying shows. Then we must get the khakis. And then the
chicks will come a runnin because everyone knows that the chicks
love the khakis. How does this help us get famous? It doesn't
but it helps Luke and Geoff get laid.
Friday Nite also has updated
their site. So, check it out and look what a lot of their site
looks like(KPandaBalloon.tripod.com for example). We would also
like to comment on a few things stated in their News updates.
#1. Though it greatly resembles our site, it
is nowhere near a well done as ours is. #2. Charlie
is not learning anything about vocals from Vuji. If he is learning
something it's how to suck. So Charlie, take no lessons from Vuji.
Go find a talented singer if you want to take lessons. I'm not
saying that I'm a talented singer, I'm just saying that Vuji is
not one so you should try to emulate him in anyway. If you want
specific examples of Vuji's singing ask me(e-mail, guestbook,
message board) or go and see Friday Nite play and request About
a Girl. You'll understand completely then. #3.
Vuji, your in the Midwest there is no and never will be a Western
Front in Petersburg. #4. What's with the Tang and
Music comment. Seriously, I'd stay away from that specific tang
because I wouldn't want to mess with either of their boyfriends.
So, that's my advise to you Vuji. Secondly, on this topic, Vuji-
never gonna get any. Charlie- doesn't like girls....ok I'm joking
Charlie likes girls. #5. No offense to Lyle, Charlie,
and Jordan, but you guys need to stop letting Vuji select your
music cause, wow, I don't know what to say other than shitty.
But, hey atleast you haven't let him convince you to play any
Matchbox 20. And on that topic whats with us being on the same
links page as Matchbox 20. I take that as a serious shot. #6. Still no reply on the Death Match challenge.
We're still waiting Vuji.
What, it
seems like I'm venting. Well, you guessed right. Cops suck. The
government sucks. Bush can kiss my ass. Office Wangard can kiss
my ass. Whoever in the state government is trying to put the blame
on me for Officer Wangard being a dumbass and pulling an illeagal
U-turn and getting hit can kiss my ass. On an unrelated note:
Vuji can kiss my ass. Now back to politics. So remember how last
week a cop pulled an ILLEGAL U-turn in front of me and i hit him.
Well, found out that my car is totaled. Then found out that the
State wants to try to blame part of the accident on me and not
pay me insurance on my car. Can someone please explain to me how
that works. Seriously some one comes flying out from between two
cars and gets hit because he didn't look to see if there was traffic
in the far lane and it's the other person's(me) fault. It's like
im getting punished for not having ESP or some shit like that.
God must really hate me as this is the second car of mine that
has been totalled. So for that God can kiss my ass. I'm sorry
if you're religious, but God's really fuckin me over right now
so I don't care.
On a up
and parting note. I would like to say that we will be offering
$.29 per soul in a glass jar with a legally binding, signed and
dated, contract handing over the soul to you or us. If the sould
is sugned to you then we will have you sign a contract selling
it to us. You will then promptly be paid your $.29. So all you
little hellions, go and wreap us the souls of many-a-person and
get paid for it. It's kinda like prostitution, but with souls,
not with the sex act.
Happy Hunting,
CHRIS
5/10/03
Yep. So we had
our first show last night. It went pretty well if you ask me.
We didn't royally fuck up. Some people even said we were good.
Who woulda thunk it. So now we are working to increasing the number
of songs we can play. We will probably do some more covers and
we are workin on some original songs. That way we can play more
shows and you all can see our beautiful faces. Also we now have
a Old News page. Why you ask? Well
here's why:
The Old
News was feeling disgruntled because the New News was getting
all the attention on the Home page. The two began to fight. One
would think that the Old News would
have a huge advantage and would be victorious because they have
the numbers, but you must take into consideration that the New
News is younger and stronger so the battle was basicly a stalemate.
That's where we stepped in. We were perfectly content to let them
fightto the death, but when we realized that the fight was going
to take a long time we decided it was time for us to intervine.
After some intense negotiations, mediated by the band, it was
decided that Old News would get its own page to rival New News'
page. We made them agree not to have any interpage wars, becuase
that would cause chaos on the site. Especially since About
Us and Multimedia want to remain
neutral in the conflict. Though it kinda surprised us when the
Shows page allied with New News and
the Merch page allied with Old
News. Now we had a dilema because E-mail
still remained and we didn't know which way he was gonna go. So
we asked him. He told us, "Leave me alone. All i want is
some food. Now get in the kitchen and make me a pie." Now
this confused us becuase none of us are girls and we don't belong
in the kitchen, but then I remebered the rumor that Lyle and Luke
can make a DAMN good pie and figured that E-mail
must have heard about it.
So we have made
it through our first major conflict with little problems. Also
Luke:
As Deep as I Can Get
has been moved to the About Us page.
So go there and visit it. Well, thats all for now. Sign the Guestbook
and E-mail us.
P.S. - No one
was harmed in the Battle of the News and both Old and New are
going to recover fully and will live perfectly normal lives. Except
they won't be able to have kids becuse it took a swift kick to
the nuts of both of them to break them up. I'm sorry it had to
come to that but it had to be done.
CHRIS
5/8/03
So plenty of exciting
events today. Vuji overslept during his nap after school and was
30mins late to practice. We wont hold it against him cause we(Luke
and Chris) were 45. Not by any fault of our own but by the towing
and impounding of Chris's reliable and valued Cutless Cierra.
Special thanks to Officer Wangard on that one. We wont hold it
against ya, Shit happens, ALOT. Long story short a cop making
a U-turn on South Grand, during rush hour, after it rained is
not a good exapmle of mans god(used as a phrase-god doesnt exist-thats
why its lower case) given use of common sense. In the event that
anyone is keeping track the cop won, he drove away. Special thanks
to Chris's mom and Toms Towing. Court for Officer Wangards ticket
is May 21 if anyone wants to go.
Luke
So as you've heard
from Luke pigs suck... really suck. Why you ask they enforce the
laws and keep the peace? Well, because they do completely moronic
things. Like pull a U-turn in rush hour traffic without looking
and causing some poor kid to not have a car. Well, enough about
that.
The variety show.
Yep, its tomorrow, Friday May 9th. As you know we are playin two
songs. And you must come. Also we would have stickers but that
was one of the things that we were gonna do before our little
run in with Officer Wangard. So because of that i sincerely doubt
that we will be selling stickers at the variety show. But, hey
come and see us anyways. Where else can you see Lyle dressed as
a cow. I don't know if they will let us do that but we will try
to figure out somethin funny to do. Also if you don't come to
see us, you should come and see Josie and Jay. Why, you ask? Well
because they are DAMN GOOD. I mean my god, I don't even listen
to the music they play and i sure as Hell don't plan on missin
them. I mean AMAZING. MY GOD. Well, enough about that as well.
Luke:
As Deep as I Can Get,
will soon be moved to the about us page. He will be giving weekly
instalment and we will also offer other band members and friends
of the band's opinion on things. Also for those science freaks
of you out there. Have you wondered about things like, "What
is gravity" and "Space, what exactly is it?" Yes,
you could do the obvious thing and look it up on the internet,
look in your science book, or ask you science teacher but, all
of these things can not compare to the answers given at Jake's
Real Fizixs. What is that you ask. Well it is a site devoted
to discoveribng the truth behind all these questions. Visit it
at www.geocities.com/realfizix.
CHRIS
5/6/03
News. Yep... Oh
ya news. We got some of that. So the Variety Show is fastly approaching
and we haven't been kicked out yet. Note that doesn't mean that
we still won't. So if you show up and we aren't present i appologize
to you now. No,I personally don't plan on being kicked out of
this show, though I don't speak for Luke. In the show we will
be performing two songs. That's right, two. That's all they will
allow us to do, so what ya gonna do. We will be playing Radio
by Alkaline Trio and 867-5309 (Jenny) by Less Than Jake. So come
to the show and support us. $5 at the door or $10 if ya want a
steak dinner too. MMM...Steak. Luke also would like to state that
he hates 5 outta 10 people in the show and will be supplying rotten
eggs at the door. What a horrible thing to happen on rotten egg
night. But his relationship witht the FREE FOOD is still runnin
strong. We are still sold out of stickers and have decided that
our time is better spent practicing then making shirts, sorry
to disappoint. They will come eventually.
In this update
i will also include a section entitled: "Luke: As Deep as I Can Get." This section will entail luke
philosophizing about things. This weeks philosophy: "I don't
see how God and Santa Claus are different. I mean people stop
believing in Santa Claus, but keep believing in God. I mean what's
the deal?" If you want to add to, respond to, or argue with
Luke about this post somethin on the guestbook or e-mail him at
KPandaBalloon@hotmail.com.
I can't say he will listen to your criticism, but hey you'll atleast
have your ignorant opinions heard.
Also i would like
to state that Friday Nite can bring it on with Vuji's challenge.
We'll fight them anyday. Killer Panda Balloon vs Friday Nite.
Death Match. And since two of their members are in our band they
can chose a side and Charlie may also defect to the Killer Panda
Balloon side if he chooses. We will also be selling tickets to
this event because, I mean, there's gonna be funerals to pay for.
Sorry for the
length but it was necessary.
CHRIS
P.S. - Happy Birthday
to me. Cinco de Mayo not famous for Mexican Independence but for
my birth.